My wife and I are struggling to keep up with the tastes of our college friends after years of traveling together. How do we let them know we can’t any longer?
Listen to the audio edition here:
Kimberly McGlonn is back with gentle wisdom to help you navigate life’s tough situations. Have a Q for Kimberly? Fill out the form here and we’ll do our best to feature it in an upcoming column.
Dear Kimberly,
Every year, my wife and I take a vacation with the same group of friends, who we met in college. The trips used to be pretty reasonable — renting an Airbnb in the Poconos or splitting a Shore house in Ocean City. Now that we’re in our 40s, we’ve found that our tastes in vacations have … diverged. One friend, an emergency medicine doctor, keeps pushing everyone to spend more, floating ski trips to the Alps or a jaunt to Japan (rather than the much more affordable Washington D.C.) to see the cherry blossoms. Our friend emphasizes these are once in a lifetime experiences she wants to share with us, but I’m like You’re a doctor. Your husband is a corporate attorney. I work in nonprofits. My wife is a public high school teacher. We can’t afford this. How do I share this reasonable concern with her without hurting the friendship? — Out of Money
Dear Out of Money,
I’m sure you can remember those simpler times when everyone was, well, basically broke! Or at least learning to manage more and more money. It’s strange when things change and suddenly our economic options begin to make themselves obvious. This is never more true than when it comes to group travel.
Earlier this week I was listening to a clip of a podcast where Savannah James (wife of new Sixer LeBron James, who is a billionaire) and her best friend (whose income isn’t even a fraction of Savannah’s) discuss this as it relates to their friendship. They openly acknowledged that they don’t have access to the same resources and instead of making it a persistent tension, the lesser-off bff said she had to learn to be upfront about what she could/couldn’t do. This meant they had to learn to communicate better and to plan do-able get-togethers in advance.
I suggest you and your crew take a page from this playbook. Talking about money can be hard, yes, but planning together can be fun! You should talk about all the possibilities – budgets, timelines, top sightseeing priorities – and then map out what makes the most sense for everyone. It makes no sense to try to keep up financially with people who are accustomed to a very different lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean you can’t visit the same places together — maybe just choose different accommodations or plane sections? This way you won’t feel bad about your budget.
Look, I understand your anxiety about money and spending — many of us have it, especially in this economy. However, with candor and clarity, you all can position yourselves for many more years of group travel with the people you clearly love.
With courage and care,
Kimberly
Source: www.phillymag.com
